Field of pipe dreams

Goosy, a friend of mine who is a technological hermit living in California (his technology is limited to a television and land-line telephone), knows that I’m a huge Royals baseball fan. He calls me on a regular basis to see how I’m doing. He asked if I was going to watch the big baseball game in Iowa, referring to the Field of Dreams game between the Cincinnati Reds and the Chicago Cubs. He was shocked when I told him I didn’t watch last year, and I wouldn’t be watching this year.

“I am not a Cubs fan nor a Reds fan,” I told him. “And there are so many other problems with this corny promotion that it has literally become a field of ‘dreams.’”

In a politically timed effort, two days before the big game, Iowa Governor Reynolds handed $12.5 million dollars to the city of Dyersville to build a stadium near the original Field of Dreams site. The project has already received $11 million in state money earlier this year to connect water and sewer infrastructure from the City of Dyersville to the movie site. The money for all projects came from the American Rescue Plan, a federal law intended to “provide emergency grants, lending, and investment to hard-hit small businesses.” The intent of the American Rescue Plan was saving small businesses. Building a major league stadium in a rural, isolated area is anything but small.

So, why build a stadium in a corn field where one already exists? The current site has a capacity for 8,000 fans, the proposed permanent stadium will seat 3,000, which can expand to 8,000 if another major league game is played there. If two major league baseball games have successfully been played there, why build a new one?

The city administrator of Dyersville, Mick Michel, was quoted as saying that the grant “allows for development opportunities like a hotel and a permanent MLB stadium, along with a future convention center and other opportunities to service the needs at that site.” That’s a pretty big dream he’s having about the future. The big question about expansion is: “If they build it, will they come?”

Several opinions from experts say the area cannot support this project. The city of 4,100 is not in a position to provide enough restaurants, hotels, and other support businesses for a project of this magnitude. Considering the low unemployment rate of Dubuque County, Iowa, 2.2% as of May 2022, a commonsense check will indicate that area businesses will not have a strong cache of potential employees to work in the low-wage food, hotel, and related businesses.

Another potential problem is future funding. Ninety percent of the funding for the stadium will come from various public funds, aka taxpayer revenue. Michel and other economic development entities in the northwest part of the state believe that if a stadium is built, it will encourage additional private investment in the project. It’s just a theory; there is no data to support the enthusiasm. A hotel on the site will surely expect to be built using whatever public funds are available, including the use of tax increment financing [TIF], a heavily abused development option that delays a developer’s property tax responsibility into the future, far beyond the property’s prime tax rates, usually ten to twenty years or more.

Travel Dubuque, a tourist information center, estimates the grant proposal will create eighty-one jobs. There is no information on whether those jobs are seasonal or permanent. Baseball is not a year-round business. Will employees be able to collect unemployment benefits from November through March when the ground is too wet, frozen, or snowy to work on? Probably not, this isn’t heaven; it’s Iowa.

A severe problem with this permanent project is its damage to the environment. Dan Evans, the COO of the group that now owns the Field of Dreams site, said that the group is “deeply committed to preserving the romantic experience of the Field of Dreams, including the views, the baseball diamond, the farmhouse, and the cornfields. Those images will never change.” Planting corn on the same ground year after year is not being the best steward of Iowa farmland. In a Des Moines Register article, it was noted that nutrients are necessary to keep the corn tall and green. Nutrients, also known as chemicals, leach into the streams and groundwater that Iowans rely upon for survival. If Ray Kinsella saw ghosts coming out of the cornfield, he would have rotated his corn with hemp.

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Life is a Bowl of Cherries

The Candy Kitchen was on the corner of Main Street and Broadway in Denison, right next to the Ritz Theater, which is now the Donna Reed Center and Heritage Museum. It had an entry to the theater lobby in the rear of the store. Large curved windows displayed the numerous varieties of candy, from licorice (red and black) to hard candy and everything in between. But the thing I remember most about the Candy Kitchen was cherry phosphates.

Many of my friends would go for a malt or shake, or even a chocolate soda, but my preference was always the cherry phosphate. It’s not something you can get in a can or bottle; it has to be made immediately in front of you. Unfortunately, there are very few places anymore where you can order one. However, I know I can get one at Bauder’s Pharmacy on Ingersoll Avenue in Des Moines. And, if I want to travel to Denison, I can get one at the same location where the Candy Kitchen was located, The Bake Shop and Hollywood Café. There are eight more locations in Iowa listed on a site called Only in Your State. However, I have made my own for several years now.

I used to mix six ounces of club soda with eight ounces of Old Orchard Diet Cherry Juice. I quit using club soda because soda is derived from sodium. Today, I use seltzer water. It’s not the same, but I kid myself that it is. I’m the only one who knows the difference.

Grace Lindberg opened up a small café in Vail called Grace’s Drive-In. It wasn’t a drive-in whatsoever, but the food was good, and she had a soda fountain. Whenever I could afford it, I sat on a stool by myself and savored every drop of a cherry phosphate. It was always in the afternoon, once the farmers had emptied the booths, tables, and counter to get back into the fields or wherever they go after lunch. I didn’t want to take up a seat drinking a fountain drink when hungry ag workers needed a place to sit while indulging in a hot beef sandwich. For those of you not familiar with a hot beef sandwich, let me first tell you that I have heard over the years that it is “a heart attack on a plate.” A piece of white bread is laid on a plate. It is topped with several ounces of roast beef and another slice of white bread. The sandwich is cut diagonally, and a huge scoop of mashed potatoes is plopped down in the middle. The entire plate is then smothered in gravy. It’s delicious!

Back to the cherry phosphate. Cherry is my favorite flavor. When I was a kid, I sat in George Powers’ cherry trees for a long time eating the cherries right off the limb. He would come out of the house and yell at me. I didn’t move. Neither did he. Smith Brothers’ cherry flavored cough drops cured me of any cough I had during grade school. Of course, not until the box was empty.

Stephanie and I took road trips back before we were married (and a few after). On a trip to western Iowa, we found Small’s Fruit Farm, a few miles east of Mondamin, on the bottom of Loess Hills. We purchased a few quarts of cherry cider. It wasn’t long after that we went back to buy several gallons of cherry cider for our wedding, and a few quarts of apple cider. I couldn’t believe that I lived not that far from it for forty years and the only thing I knew about it was that a Small’s Fruit Farm truck was often parked outside of Clete’s Open Market on the east end of Denison (a few businesses down from the Tipsy Pine). I stopped at Clete’s once in a while but knew nothing of Small’s. Clete had Pearl Beer for a buck a six-pack.

Today, everything has to blended with something else. Pomegranate/banana, wild berry/lemon, passion fruit/orange lemonade, if you can imagine it, it must be available. Take me back to the time when flavors were simple, like cherry. I don’t want vanilla in it; I don’t want apple in it; I just want cherry. By the way, the cherry juice I buy has apple juice as the ingredient listed after water. Whatever!

 

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Jambalaya

Joseph Charles Ryan 1957-2022

My baby brother died. That wasn’t supposed to happen.

The eldest should always go first. In our family, the eldest are still living, while the last four have gone to wherever little brothers go.

Joe asked if I was going to write about him like I did our brother John when he died. I promised I would if I were still alive. I didn’t expect this so soon.

Joe passed away on June 22, 2022. I am keeping my promise. It’s become more difficult to write than I could have imagined.

In the past few years, Joe and I had many phone conversations. We reminisced and laughed at some of the unbelievable things we did as adolescents, young adults, and even silly little kids. Joe had a better memory of what it was like in the Ryan house during the 1960s. When he shared his experiences with me about the so-called Ryan house of the 1970s, the guilt of leaving him behind was overpowering.

Joe didn’t have a particularly good childhood. Being the youngest Ryan, he was subjected to living at home with an alcoholic mother and an abusive alcoholic stepfather. Bob, our half-brother who was the first to pass away at the age of 30, was several years younger than Joe. When the stepfather came home with candy, he gave it to Bob and ignored Joe. If Bob would share, which he did often, Joe would be punished if the stepfather found out. Down to the basement furnace room. The furnace room must be the modern-day woodshed.

Joe’s love of music began when, as a young teenager, he received a guitar for Christmas. He knew nothing about it, and it wasn’t a toy. I don’t know if he asked for it, but it was a particularly good acoustic guitar. I spent time with him showing him a few chords, about six or seven simple chords, and began with an easy song, Jambalaya. After a few years, he told me that some of the first songs he learned were Puff, The Magic Dragon, which he played with a couple other boys in Vail who had guitars, and Tequila Sunrise. Virtually, that was their playlist. They played, and small children listened, and loved it!

Joe ended up in Southern California where he founded no fewer than fifteen bands. His guitar playing had gone far beyond Jambalaya and entered the era of “Wish You Were Here” by Pink Floyd. Perhaps his best musical talent was the harmonica. We had a family reunion in Carroll, Iowa, several years ago (the last time he was back) and he entertained the crowd with his musical talents. He even took requests. As they say in Vail, “a good time was had by all.”

Our father was a beautiful Irish tenor who played the piano with grace (and many people told us kids that he used every key). Joe was barely two months old when our dad died. For most of his life, Joe wanted to be like the father he never knew. He tried to emulate Dad as much as possible. Joe didn’t have Dad’s rich Irish tenor, but he could hold a note.

Almost everyone in Vail had a nickname and Joe was certainly no exception. Joe’s nickname evolved over the years from the original faux moniker Bony Moronie, which our brother Kevin (Cub) first called him because of Joe’s slender frame, to Boney, and eventually to “Bones.” The last band he co-founded was named Cisco Bones. The other co-founder’s name was Cisco.

Joe was a Deadhead, and the playlist for all of his bands included music from The Grateful Dead, The Beatles, and Tom Petty.

Our mother was a good cook, and Joe and I picked up a lot of her tips, recipes, and her knack of being able to make just about anything out of nothing. When we talked, one of us would always bring into the conversation a recipe we had tried. Both of us were inspired by Italian food. I credit that to growing up with Chef Boyardee as our limited choice for Italian cuisine. Mom didn’t like Italian food, or, it was too expensive, or both. We’ll never know.

Joe never forgot some of the flavors of the Midwest he left decades ago. He would ask for a care package, often. It would have to include Twin Bing candy bars, Dorothy Lynch salad dressing, and Denison Mustard. He grew many of his vegetables in his garden. He would send photos, many of them displaying a healthy and weedless abundance of flowers and vegetables. He made my garden look like an overgrown vacant lot.

Joe had three children. Jacob, Megan, and Jordon. Jordan, only in his twenties, unexpectedly passed away from hypertension on January 2, 2018. Joe took it hard. Extremely hard. He talked to me a lot about his loss. “No parent should bury their child.” I’ve heard it many times, and I’ve witnessed it far too many times. It’s the unnatural order of things. And let me add that baby brothers should not die before his siblings.

It took so long to write this. Sorrow was one impediment; the vast amount of what to write and what to eliminate was the other. I realize that I can always write a sequel.

Within the past year, Joe told me that he still remembers all the words to Jambalaya. “And the chords?” I asked. “Definitely!”

In my little brother’s memory, I am going to restring my forty-five-year-old guitar, get it tuned, and see if I can remember those chords I taught Joe decades ago.

The first line of Jambalaya is “Goodbye, Joe . . .”

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“Boo” Who?

Fans began to “boo” as the Minnesota Twins shortstop, Carlos Correa walked up to the plate at Kauffman Stadium in Kansas City, Missouri. “Cheater” rang out as Correa made contact with the ball and successfully landed on base.

Some fans will never forgive the former Houston Astros player for being involved in the sign stealing scandal a few years back. It isn’t that past and present baseball teams don’t try to gain an edge by figuring out the catcher’s signs to the pitcher for more successful at bats, it’s that there are policies in place that prohibit the use of electronic devices to capture and communicate the opposing teams signals and the Astros violated this policy. None of the players were punished, in fact they were given immunity for their cooperation. A few managers were suspended for up to a year for failing to prevent the violation. The team was fined $5 million and lost draft picks. Although it was touted as the most
severe punishment ever handed down, it seemed rather watered-down compared to what
happened to a number of players a hundred years ago.

The members of the Chicago “Black Sox” paid heavy consequences for being accused of intentionally throwing the 1919 World Series for money, even though they were acquitted after a public trial in 1921. The event led to establishing the first Commissioner of Baseball to restore the integrity of the game. This lone person was given incredible power. A permanent ban from professional baseball was enforced on the accused eight White Sox players, including any consideration for the Baseball Hall of Fame. There was no support for these players to challenge this decision or a strong union to change the circumstances that may have led to the scandal. They were grossly underpaid, even though they were highly skilled and successful players, having won the 1917 World Series. Back then, players were restricted by the reserve clause, which kept them from switching teams without permission. It wasn’t until 1968 that the first collective bargaining was negotiated. In 1970, players achieved the ability to negotiate the right to arbitration to resolve grievances.

The idea for a commissioner to be responsible for maintaining the integrity of baseball within the game itself has merit, whether it’s establishing consequences for acts of cheating such as sign stealing or suspensions for players who take performance enhancing drugs. Baseball, the great American pastime should have an even playing field so that teams have an equal opportunity to win the World Series and players reach the Hall of Fame based on talent, not steroid use. But is it wise for the commissioner to expand his oversight of the playing field and enter to judge the players’ bedroom activities? It gets dicey.

The best example of this is Los Angeles Dodgers pitcher Trevor Bauer, who received a 324-
game suspension for violating MLB-MLBPA Joint Domestic Violence, Sexual Assault and Child Abuse Policy that was established in 2015. The policy grants MLB commissioner Rob Manfred the authority to suspend players for “just cause”. Bauer received the most severe suspension ever handed down and he is the first player to appeal a decision. He vehemently denies violating the policy. Bauer enjoys rough sex with consenting partners. Last year a San Diego woman accused him of sexual assault during two sexual encounters and received a temporary restraining order. After a four-day hearing, a L.A. Superior Court Judge dissolved the temporary restraining order, ruling that Bauer did not pose a threat and the injuries sustained were not the result of anything the woman objected to before or during the encounter. She sent a text message asking to be choked out. The pictures given as evidence were disturbing and would most likely have led to a conviction or plea agreement, if she hadn’t given her consent to this treatment.

The L.A. County District Attorney’s Office reviewed the case for five months and determined that the People were unable to prove the charges beyond a reasonable doubt. It seems to be a classic he said, she said scenario. It’s difficult to understand giving consent to be seriously hurt for sexual gratification, but a line does exist. Uncle Sam doesn’t want to monitor bedroom activities between two consenting adults.

Who should fans root for or “boo” at during arbitration? The MLB joint policy on domestic
abuse was written by committee with the MLPBPA to incorporate fairness, education and
counseling for this difficult and painful issue. Trevor Bauer won the National League Cy Young Award in 2020 and joined the Dodgers on a 3-year, $102 million dollar contract. He is suspended without pay and his contract will expire as he works through the process. Since the commissioner is appointed by the owners, should he continue to wield such power without transparency and oversight?

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Pigs, Poker, and Prisons

Rev. Carlos Jayne, 1935-2022 RIP

As he lived, he died – fighting authority!

Legendary NFL Coach Bill Parcells said that “A friend’s someone that knows all about you and likes you anyway.” Carlos and I liked each other, even though he was a big Green Bay Packer fan, and the Pack was my least favorite football team. Therefore, we never talked football. We had coffee and chatted for about two hours monthly. As his health slipped from him, the frequency of our visits diminished.

I first met Carlos when I was a novice lobbyist and a bill reinstating the death penalty was introduced. A fellow lobbyist pointed at Carlos and told me “you need to talk to that guy.” I introduced myself to him and he said: “It’s about damned time the ICLU had a lobbyist up here,” and he turned, walked away, and continued to do what he did – talk to anyone who would listen. I thought he was angry with me. I found out later he was just Carlos. He had a reason for his attitude. He was either starting a fire or putting one out. Turns out, as a kid, he really did start a fire and he wrote about it in a blog. As a teenager, with a friend Ed Whipple and their two girlfriends, they burned a cross on a family’s lawn as a prank, and as usual, the guilty get caught.

Also, he wrote about another incident that occurred that night. I’ll relate it to you in his words:

In recalling my time in Laceyville, I will start out with the zaniest experience of my early life. It’s the flag incident. It came out of being bored.

There it was on the wall of the gym, that giant Russian flag, as bright red as anything I had ever seen, with the sickle and hammer in yellow, menacingly dominating the whole place. And it was closer to the ceiling than the American flag at the other end of the room. Kids streamed in through the doors, as did the teachers from the First Grade through the Twelfth of Laceyville school. Laceyville, Pennsylvania, that is. In the tail end of the Blue Ridge Mountains. My sister, Pat, was the first in the school to see it and rushed back out the door to tell her friends and soon the gym was filled with kids and teachers. Gasps were heard together with laughter as people milled around, seemingly mesmerized by the sight. Finally, Prof Forscht (pronounced forest), as he was called by everyone, who was the Principal, came in and his eyes seemed to bug out of his head and his faced turned about as red as the flag, but he couldn’t seem to say anything.

My friend, Ed Whipple, and I stood there without saying a word when we joined the excitement — watching the reactions. It seemed pretty entertaining until we heard some girl start to cry –and then one of the teachers said to Prof that “We better get these kids out of here!!.” Maybe she was thinking of Joe McCarthy. After all, this was 1952 and the “Commie Scare” was running high. Turning angry, Prof Forscht started pushing us out the door of the gym and the teachers hurried us into our rooms.

It was a great school day, of course, because nothing talked about by the teachers was even heard unless it had to do with “the flag.” Every time we got a chance, Ed and I would start a discussion about it. Who do you think did it? And why would they do something like that? Is there a band of “Commies” around here?

The town cop, county sheriff, the head of the local American Legion, the County School Superintendent, and lots of townspeople came and stood around looking at the flag with varying degrees of amazement and anger. None of them laughed when we heard them talking about it. This was turning serious. My stomach was churning, as was Ed’s. My friend, Ed, and our girl friends at the time, Elanor Evans, and Francie Davis, hung around together, as we usually did any way, since we were kind of a “mixed clique” of “The kids with the high grades – teacher’s pets, kind of ”. On this day, and those following, however, it was for moral support. The fact is, we were the culprits!!! The “little Bastards,” as we would be referred to by many townspeople once the truth got out.

Well, how did anyone find out? Maybe we could have kept our mouths shut. Except for one thing, it was hard to fool Prof. Ed and I had tried to talk up the possibility of “outsiders” having come in to whip up local feelings. But even that backfired on us when some locals actually began to suspect a new family with foreign accents of maybe being responsible and they even called a special meeting of the American Legion to talk about just that. Prof knew from the beginning that it was students. He gathered the school together and announced that “He knew who it was and when he got the lowdown they would be kicked out of school for good.” The thing is, he suspected the wrong people. He never would have thought it was me or Ed or our girlfriends. He thought it was my brother, Bill, and a couple of his friends, who were “always getting into trouble.” Ed and I were Juniors and Bill and his friends were Freshmen, but they had been hell-raisers quite a while. At first, we weren’t concerned since there couldn’t be any proof since they hadn’t done it. With Prof, though, he usually pronounced judgment and then claimed he had the evidence – and that’s what he did in this case.

The whole town was talking, newspaper reporters were coming, and after a few days this thing was getting out of hand. Ed and I decided we would “come clean” and we would take the rap ourselves since the girls were Seniors and Elanor’s brother was the one we had gotten the flag from. He was a sailor working in D.C. and had been given a bunch of these “Russian” flags which had been confiscated and told to burn them. He had kept a couple and showed them to us one Sunday night when we were sitting around bored (Why not in Laceyville, Pa., population 600 without even a movie theatre). The upshot was that we decided to hang this sucker in the school gym as a joke – it would be easy enough to break in, having done it before. And what an exhilarating experience it was to do this!! Knowing how funny it was going to be to everyone – what a great prank!! It was a real high!! The night was perfect for it, and no one could see us anyway. Hearts pounding, laughing to ourselves. We never figured on getting into real trouble for this.

But they did get in real trouble. An FBI agent came to the school, but they were not arrested, just given a good lecture. The rest of the story is online.

I wanted to be humble as a lobbyist, but Carlos gave me some great advice. “Ya gotta toot your own horn,” he would tell me, “’cause up here, no one is going to toot it for you.”

Sometimes, tooting his horn was cause for mild embarrassment. Always looking for a story that was born of gossip, Des Moines Register columnist David Yepsen checked out an annual pool for the NCAA College Basketball March Madness Tournament. Carlos, the face of anti-gambling legislation in Iowa had his name in one of the entries in the pool. Although the entry may have cost only five dollars, Yepsen made sure the contradiction was publicized in his Great Mentions and Trial Balloons with lots of bold ink.

Carlos, the late Judy Hoffman, and I were the leading advocates for legislation allowing ex-felons to obtain voting rights. One afternoon we had a meeting of several lobbyists in what is called the crow’s nest, above the Speaker’s desk. Two lobbyists who were former Democratic legislators in the House attended the meeting, as well. They told us that what we needed to do was to work hard on getting a few Republicans to vote our way. Carlos looked at one of them, a former Speaker, and scolded him, saying: “Did you happen to notice that the two co-sponsors of the bill are Republicans? We’re not having problems getting Republican legislators to agree with us; it’s the Democrats!” Carlos was always appropriately outspoken.

It didn’t happen that year, but a few years later we were working on the same issue. Carlos, Judy, and I met with Governor Vilsack’s legal counsel and demanded that something be done before lawsuits erupted. [We had no idea who was going to file a suit, but it sounded good.] A few weeks later, we received a call from the governor’s legal counsel to inform us that the governor was going to sign an executive order granting voting rights to all ex-felons, and could we be present at the announcement of the executive order. We showed up on the day of the announcement in the Kennedy Conference Room below the governor’s office believing that the three of us would be thanked by the governor. The room was full of people. When the governor came into the room, he had many of them gather around him. After all our years of hard work, Carlos, Judy, and me were aggressively elbowed out of the photo shoot. Carlos looked at me and said loud enough for half the room to hear: “Marty, who are all these people?” It may not have been the place or time to toot our horns, but it was time for Carlos to say what was on his mind.

One day in the Capitol rotunda, Carlos pointed out a man and told me that he was a spy. Yeah, right. No, really! It was true. A businessman from eastern Iowa had sent the spy to Des Moines to investigate what Carlos was lobbying on. Although a Methodist like Carlos, the businessman didn’t like some of the positions Carlos was taking on behalf of the church. Carlos smiled. He felt a certain sense of pride knowing that he was representing the position of the church, and the businessman obviously was representing his own personal interests. That day was a joyful day for Carlos. Nothing came of the so-called investigation, and he knew that’s how it would end.

Recognizing the growing need for a strong passionate voice at the Capitol, Carlos and Jean Basinger founded Justice Reform Consortium, a conglomeration of organizations dedicated to lobbying the Iowa Legislature for reform of Iowa’s criminal justice system, especially advocating for restorative justice. Unfortunately, JRC shut down a few years ago. Cowles Library at Drake University has agreed to store the consortium’s documents in its archives, along with Senator Tom Harkin’s and Member of Congress Neil Smith’s.

With Dianne Fagner, LISW, Carlos founded Friends of Iowa Women Prisoners [FIWP], a group that meets on the third Tuesday of each month from noon to 1 pm at Wesley United Methodist Church, 800 East 12th Street, Des Moines, Iowa, to discuss, learn about, and support women incarcerated at Iowa’s Correctional Institute for Women in Mitchellville. FIWP continues to be an active organization. When it was first organized, the warden at the women’s facility told Carlos that it was a great idea and that she intended to show up. He told her she couldn’t participate because they were going to talk about her. Once again, speaking his mind.

He also founded Iowans For Gun Safety and was instrumental in the Friday morning Human Needs group. If he wasn’t busy founding a group, he was participating in a group. He was always busy. He wrote letters to the editor at a furious clip; he may have been the first to email legislators in bulk; and he always kept everyone informed of what he was doing and what he wanted from them to help him with his goals. I have no idea how he had time to be a minister, or prepare a sermon, for that matter.

Carlos coined the phrase “Pigs, Poker, and Prisons” as he summarized Iowa’s economic development plans in the 1990s. As Carlos wrote in a letter-to-the-editor: “Policies and laws were implemented to benefit big pig (CAFO) operations, big poker (casino) operations and big prisons (size and number of prisoners). Seems these “p’s” superseded people.”

His moral compass was always pointing in the correct position. His back may have kept him from being erect in his final years, but assembled with those fighting for truth, justice, and the real American way had him standing as erect as could be. He was a superman!

Carlos loved pie and retiring from projects. He had Lana make pies for every one of his several retirement parties. I attended each one. Unfortunately, this is his final retirement party, but fortunately, it includes Lana’a pies.

God bless the soul of a great man, my friend, Carlos Jayne.

 

 

 

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Play Ball!

One summer evening in the 1980s, I left work on the second shift in Denison, and on my way home to Vail I turned on the radio to listen to the Kansas City Royals hosting the Texas Rangers. It was the top of the ninth inning and the Rangers were ahead six to nothing. I could have turned it off, believing the game was ‘virtually’ over, or listened to music. However, my love of baseball (and the Kansas City Royals) kept me interested. When I pulled into the driveway at home, I turned off the car and kept listening. The Royals came back in the bottom of the ninth inning and won the game seven to six.

The late Yogi Berra, Baseball Hall of Fame manager and player, quipped the infamous phrase in 1975: “It ain’t over till it’s over!” Yet, thousands of people seem to leave major league baseball games a little over half-way through the game. Hundreds more appear to leave their seats during the final two innings. Why is that?

Occasionally, I receive a survey from Major League Baseball (MLB) asking me a few questions about the game. It’s obvious that MLB wants to make the game more attractive to younger fans. I’ve heard game broadcasters and analysts make statements about how MLB needs to attract a new generation of fans. Do you mean, those so-called fans whose experience with baseball is limited to playing a nine-inning game on X-Box that takes twelve minutes to play? To actually watch and enjoy a major league baseball game you must have a smidgen more than the attention span of goldfish. When trying to attract those fans, MLB is losing its dearest and most dedicated fans – people like me.

Those who leave games before the final out are not baseball fans, and as such, should not have a voice in what baseball might do to attract them further.

Jeff Montgomery, a former Royals pitcher and now an analyst for the Royals Baseball Network, entertained listeners this year by talking about his major league debut. Discussing a rookie’s debut with his parents in the stands, Montgomery told the audience that his parents did not get to see his debut because they left the game early to beat the traffic and felt that if they hadn’t seen him earlier in the game, he probably wasn’t going to play that evening. Montgomery was a closer, the last pitcher who enters the game with his team holding on to a close lead, anticipating that he can end the game without allowing runs to the opponents. A closer is the final pitcher for the winning team in most cases. At least Jeff smiles and chuckles when he tells the story.

MLB is making silly attempts to speed the game up. A nine-inning game fifty years ago might last a little over two hours. There were a lot of factors then that are not present in games of 2022. Starting pitchers used to play the entire game. There was no set time between innings because a commercial or two (or 3 or more) had to be broadcast. Today, games typically last just over three hours (“In Major League Baseball this year, the average nine-inning game is taking 3:05” https://www.mlb.com/news/how-pitch-clock-is-working-in-minor-leagues-in-2022 ). Is that too long? Compare: The normal National League Football game lasts three and one-half hours.

A technological change to speed up the game was the introduction of a device called the Pitch Cam. Rather than a catcher making signs with his finger (1 finger = fast ball; 2 fingers = curve ball; 3 fingers = slider; etc.) a remote control-like box on the wrist or shin pad contains buttons that transmit the projected type of pitch and location to the pitcher, two infielders, and center fielder. Of course, like the initial stages of any technology, we have witnessed so many incidents in which the transmitter or receiver are not working. Because of flaws or low batteries, it creates an adverse effect on the time of the game. Many catchers and pitchers have gone back to the system of using fingers.

The Wall Street Journal conducted a study in 2010 on the amount of live action in several different sports. Although the study was conducted over ten years ago, Todd Boss, a blogger who wrote an article on the statistics, keeps the figures updated.

“Baseball games feature 17 minutes and 58 seconds of action. NFL games feature about 11 minutes of action.” Note: Soccer and Hockey are loaded with action.

The reason many people think baseball is boring is that they don’t totally understand the game. There is more strategy going on between pitches than you might think. Managers, base coaches, catchers, and even infielders are constantly displaying signs for teammates to decipher. Some signs are deceptive and designed to distract or mislead the opposition. Attending a game, you may notice that the outfielders are not standing in the same place for each hitter. Sure, they may move over two feet to the left or right, but that pinpoint positioning has more significance than you can see. There is more to baseball than a pitch and the swinging of a bat. Spoiler: MLB is much more advanced than Little League.

Next year, MLB wants to outlaw what is called the “shift” in today’s game. Based upon scouting, a team can, within feet, often predict where a batter will hit the ball. It’s strategy and it is based upon analytics. And, in my opinion, the infield shift has improved the game. And it wasn’t a rule that changed it. But it is a rule that will prohibit it. How it will be enforced is another matter.

There are other proposed changes coming. One change that has already been implemented is the use of humidors to store baseballs. It’s like hitting a wet blanket – literally. Another proposal will adopt an automatic strike zone, taking the umpire out of the picture. If that change is made, MLB might just as well do away with other human elements of the game. The pitcher could be replaced with a pitching machine. Avatars and robots could move about the field like a golf ball picker at a driving range, retrieving balls and hurling them wildly toward bases – or unsuspecting fans.

And what is it with all these interviews with players and coaches during the game? That’s what pregame and postgame programs are for. I want to watch a baseball game! In-game interviews reminds me of a joke: I went to boxing match and a hockey game broke out. (I went to an interview and a baseball game broke out.)

But the major change MLB is considering is a pitch clock. Really? It is supposed to cut up to twenty minutes off the time of a normal nine-inning game. What can you do for twenty minutes that is so important that you need to get away from the ballpark so soon? Traffic isn’t going to move any faster, and so-called fans will still leave early. All to the detriment of devoted fans who lived for decades without major changes.

I want America’s favorite pastime to return to the Good Ole Days! Please!

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