Spring Cleaning

Law enforcement agencies throughout the United States are stepping up to donate equipment to Ukraine.  Most of the donations are body armor vests and helmets, both made of a bullet-resistant material.  I know of no other bullet-resistant material other than Kevlar, but the equipment could be made from other synthetic materials manufactured by other firms.

The Kevlar equipment being donated has outlived its use.  Kevlar guarantees its product for only five years because the material can deteriorate as moisture, heat and other atmospheric factors weaken the material.  After that time, mostly because of liability, law enforcement agencies must upgrade and purchase new tactical equipment and destroy outdated equipment.

The protective vests and helmets being sent to Ukraine are those that were destined to be destroyed. I suppose the intention is noble, but isn’t it a little like sending a dozen jars of mayonnaise to the food bank because the ‘best by’ date stamped on the side was six months ago?  The mayo is probably still good, but once the jar is opened it won’t take long to spoil. Similarly, with equipment that was intended to be destroyed, isn’t the likelihood that it will not withstand the expectations of Ukrainian soldiers?

I don’t want to dissuade what appears to be an altruistic gesture of law enforcement agencies across America, but the donation of otherwise useless equipment brings up a question that so many local and state governments should address.  For instance, the City of Des Moines Municipal Code allows the procurement administrator to “dispose of surplus property not deemed suitable or appropriate for sale by such means as the procurement administrator deems appropriate.”  That language is so broad you could drive an armored personnel carrier through it.  And some local jurisdictions have one.

For years, the federal government made excess government equipment available to states, counties, and cities at no cost (or a minimal shipping and handling fee).  Some of that equipment included mine-resistant trucks, grenade launchers, utility trucks, rifles, night vision goggles and other gear.

  • Police receive most of their militarized equipment through two federal programs: the 1033 and the 1122 initiatives.
  • The 1033 program allows the Department of Defense to transfer excess military equipment to local law enforcement agencies free of charge, as long as they pay for shipping and maintenance.
  • In some cases, equipment transferred through these programs has simply vanished due to an apparent lack of oversight and poor bookkeeping.

https://www.cnbc.com/2020/07/09/why-police-pay-nothing-for-military-equipment.html

The city of Iowa City has a mine resistant ambush vehicle. An MRAP (pronounced Em-wrap), is a “49,000-pound, 10-foot-tall, six-wheel-drive behemoth” primarily used in the wars in the Mid-east.  Sheriffs in Buena Vista, Des Moines, Jasper, Scott, and Story counties also have the MRAPs, as well as city police departments in Mason City and Storm Lake.

The donation of vests and helmets are like throwing a dollar in the hat when it’s passed.  However, donating those weapons of war like MRAPs, night vision goggles, rifles, and other large military items would be like tossing a twenty-dollar bill into the hat.  Further, those weapons of war should not be used to militarize our police forces, who are there to protect our communities’ residents, not to combat them.

Those five-year-old helmets and vests would have been destroyed if not donated to the Ukrainians.  Granted, green is good.  But the loophole in the process of determining that they are no longer useful or appropriate should be tweaked.  The broad language in municipal codes that allows procurement administrators to dispose of surplus and outdated equipment as the administrator “deems appropriate” needs oversight, specific requirements, and regular periodic auditing provisions.

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We, The Jury

In many states, and in some federal jurisdictions, you may be excused from jury service if you are over the age of seventy – no questions asked.  Jury duty used to be something that many people disliked.  Not me.  I wanted to be on a jury ever since I was a young man.  Now, I’m 71 and still have that desire to be empaneled on a jury – petit or grand – makes no difference.

My first opportunity came when I was called for jury duty sometime in the late 1970s or early 1980s in Crawford County, Iowa.  I remember being excited about sitting in the jury box during voir dire (French word meaning “to speak the truth.”  It’s that period before a trial when lawyers from both sides question potential jurors to wean the larger pool of prospective jurors down to the required amount, twelve jurors in a criminal case.)  I sat in the front row.

One of the attorneys told the entire pool that the case was not a criminal trial, but a civil trial that involved an accident between a truck and a car on Highway 141 west of Denison, Iowa.  I remember seeing a young woman at one of the tables, and I had to assume that she was one of the parties to the suit.  I don’t recall much more factual information than that about the case.  Perhaps I wasn’t informed of any more facts.

Surprisingly, although I was in the middle of the first row, I received the first question. “How do you feel about insurance companies?”  “I hate ‘em,” I replied.  The follow up question went something like, “do you believe that would prejudice your decision?”  My answer: “It has, already.”  No more questions for me.  I was sent back to work once a jury was assembled and there can be no doubt, I was too blatantly honest to be a juror.

The next time I was called for jury duty was after living in Des Moines for several years.  It was a week in March which included the Iowa Legislature’s first funnel deadline, the busiest week of the session for a lobbyist.  It was my belief that I would be out of the courthouse before noon.  There was no way I was going to sit on a jury since being employed as a paralegal/lobbyist for the American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU), especially if the case was one of a criminal nature.  Even placing a legal assistant on a jury in a civil case is unusual.  “Minneapolis lawyer Robert J. Beugen told Minnesota Lawyer, “I would never allow an attorney or even someone with legal training on to a jury panel. Typically you want a clean slate and not someone with preformed impressions.””  Action at the Capitol didn’t begin until 1:00 pm.  I shouldn’t miss a thing.

Ironically, it was Polk County’s busiest court docket for trials that week.  Along with a few hundred Polk County residents, I was shuffled into and out of several different court rooms.  A single group probably had between 25 and 50 potential jurors.  I was not asked a question in any of the voir dire proceedings and sat there wondering how long before I would be released.

Sometime in the afternoon, those of us not chosen for a jury were allowed to leave.  However, we were to report back on the following day, a Tuesday, to go through the entire process again.  Tuesday was like Monday with one exception.  We were shuffled into a court room where I noticed a good friend of mine was sitting at one of the tables.  He was a drinking buddy.

The judge asked if any of us knew the lawyers or parties to this case, which was a contract obligation written on a bar napkin between two drinking buddies.  I had to raise my hand.  The judge asked me who I knew.  “I know the plaintiff,” I said.  “How do you know the plaintiff?” the judge asked.  ‘Shit!’ I thought.  I don’t want to say we were drinking buddies, so I mentioned that we met occasionally at a restaurant in our hometown (I was living in Martensdale at the time, a village 17 miles from Des Moines).  It was a restaurant, but it was also a bar.  So, I didn’t lie.  However, I think the judge saw right through it.

Tuesday evening was the same as Monday.  Come back on Wednesday morning.

Wednesday morning, a group of us who somehow were never good enough for any of the other trials, were led into yet another courtroom to go through the motions.  This trial was a criminal trial, and the prosecutor, a young man, asked if anyone knew what “beyond a reasonable doubt” meant.  I raised my hand.  He wasn’t going to choose an ACLU employee in a criminal matter, anyway.  I gave him the definition as close to Black’s Law Dictionary’s as I could.  “Correct,” he said.  Next thing I knew I was one of the jurors in this trial where a man was charged with the crime of “carrying weapons.”

Before I go into the trial, I must segue into a matter that disturbed me deeply.  Those of us jurors who were chosen had to be sworn in (when others said “swear” I said “affirm”).  The judge began with “repeat after me . . ..”  And at the end he said: “So help me God.”  I must have had my mouth wide open in shock.  No, I didn’t repeat that after him.  Years later, I ran into the district’s chief judge and asked him why that archaic swearing was still used.  I am not a Jehovah’s Witness, but I am not going to have the wrath of God hanging over my head because I may have made a mistake.  The chief judge said, “I don’t know.”  Truly, I thought they did away with that.

Back to the trial.  A woman bought a pair of boots for her brother (the defendant) and her boyfriend.  The boots for her brother did not fit, so he took them back to the store to exchange them for a pair that did fit.  When he arrived at the store, he picked the box up out of the trunk of the car and brought it into the store.  He sat the box on the counter and said he wanted to exchange the boots.  What he didn’t know was that the box was not the box with the undersized boots, but the boyfriend’s box with a broken, non-functioning .22 caliber pistol.  The clerk saw the gun and called the police.  Meanwhile, the defendant was looking at boots.  When the police arrived, he was arrested for “carrying weapons.[1]”  Only 3 people testified, the clerk, the policeman, and the woman who bought the boots.  The defendant did not take the stand.

We elected a man who was an assistant manager at a Hy-Vee grocery store to be the jury foreman.  He had been on a jury once before.  I never said a word during deliberations but let everyone else have their say.  It was a sensible, rational, logical, and civil discussion.  It didn’t take long to come up with the decision that the man was not guilty.  That’s when I raised my hand.  “It’s almost noon.  I think we should not rush into this decision but have them buy us lunch and come back to make sure everyone is okay with this verdict.”  My recommendation was accepted unanimously.  We went to lunch at Johnny’s Café in the Court Avenue District.  We were marched back to the jury deliberation room, and I had one more suggestion.  “Let’s wait at least fifteen minutes before we inform them that we have reached a verdict.  We shouldn’t make anyone feel that we went to lunch just because we could.”  Another unanimous decision.

The defendant was found “not guilty,” and the jury was dismissed.  It was too late to go back to the Capitol.  I deserved to have the rest of the week off, and so I did.

I’ve been summoned for jury duty four times since.  Two times were for Polk County.  The two summonses came back-to-back.  I called the courthouse when I received the subsequent one because I knew you shouldn’t have to serve twice in a two-year period.  In my call, I discovered that the first time they summoned Martin Ryan and the second time they summoned Marty Ryan.  I was not called either time.

The other two times I was summoned it was the federal district court.  I never had the chance to even walk into the federal courthouse for either of the two.  Evidently, cases were settled out of court.

My thoughts on jury duty were brought about because of a bill in the Iowa Senate.  Senate File 2235 was a bill on the Iowa Senate Calendar that would allow a person to “be excused from Jury service if the person is a least seventy-two years of age and notified the court that the person is at least seventy-two years of age and wishes to be exempted from jury service.”  The bill is dead for the year, but if it was enacted, the courts will not hear from me.  If called, I will serve.

 

 

[1] 724.4 Carrying weapons. 1. Except as otherwise provided in this section, a person who goes armed with a dangerous weapon concealed on or about the person, or who, within the limits of any city, goes armed with a pistol or revolver, or any loaded firearm of any kind, whether concealed or not, or who knowingly carries or transports in a vehicle a pistol or revolver, commits an aggravated misdemeanor.  [Aggravated misdemeanors are the most serious class of misdemeanors, generally punishable by up to two years in jail and a fine of between $625 and $6,250. For example, carrying a gun without a permit is an aggravated misdemeanor.]

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Profit Guaranteed

A few years ago, my 1998 Ford Explorer stalled in traffic.  I had it towed to my mechanic’s shop and called my mechanic to let him know it was coming.  As soon as he could get the vehicle in to look at it, he told me that it needed a new alternator.  I was expecting that.  What I didn’t expect was the price he quoted.  His price for labor was not the surprise, but the cost of the rebuilt alternator was shocking.

I had already looked online to check out the price of alternators so that I could know how much repairs might cost.  A 1998 SUV with 260,000 miles requires research to determine if I want to repair the auto or have it junked.  The price of a rebuilt alternator quoted by my mechanic was almost twice what I saw online for the same part.  We had a discussion.

He told me that the price was more than I had expected because he places a warranty on all parts and service.  If I wanted to install it myself, he had no problem with that, but he would not sell or replace a part without the warranty.  Back in the 1970s I replaced a starter on a 1958 Ford station wagon.  It had a V-8 engine and I had to either drop the suspension or lift the engine off its mounts to install the new starter.  Okay, maybe it wasn’t that bad, but it was a horrible event – it took me days to replace that starter.  I like Fords (See The Green Latrine), but my experience with self-maintenance on the make is not pleasurable.  I paid the mechanic’s price.

We needed some plumbing work done recently.  Estimates were probably six times more than what I thought I was going to have to pay.  All estimates included labor, parts, and warranty.  “Can you break it down?”  Short answer, “No.”  “What if I don’t want the warranty?”  The answer is always the same.  “It’s in our policy.  You have to receive the benefit of our warranty.”  Isn’t that nice!  To me, benefit would mean that my parts and service are guaranteed, and I shouldn’t have to pay for the company’s screw up or faulty parts.  That’s not how it works in today’s world of business.

The practice of including warranties in the price of a part, product, or service is becoming more of the norm.  Wouldn’t it be nice to know how much that warranty costs the company providing the service?  Try to obtain a breakdown of 1) parts; 2) labor; and 3) warranty sometime.  You won’t get it.  Worse, that warranty comes with a sales tax.  However, the good news, you are told, is that the warranty is free.  Huh?

The windfall of money not spent on warranties after the warranty period expires becomes income for the seller or service.  There must be a better way of reporting to customers than the present procedures.  There are statutory laws covering warranties (no pun intended), and there is a “Financial Accounting Standards Board (FASB) that regulates business finances. For example, the FASB requires warranty issuers to provide financial reports to customers. In particular, warranty issuers must disclose:

    1. their method for establishing liability for product failures
    2. their financial accounting for each reporting period including their:
      1. starting balance
      2. subtractions for warranty payouts
      3. increases from newly issued and pre-existing warranties and
      4. ending balance”

I could have asked about this information, but what do you do when you are in dire need of a part to get your vehicle back on the road, or your furnace blows up in your face and you need to replace it?  Besides, I’m sure the information on a financial report is filled with lots of actuarial goobligock making it difficult to understand.

I could have made a complaint to the Better Business Bureau, or the Consumer Protection Office of the Iowa Attorney General.  I could have developed legislation that would address the problem I have with businesses that tack on mandatory warranties[1].  I doubt I could get it introduced, much less get it enacted.

As I have purchased items in the past where the clerk smiles and says “this product comes with an extended warranty for five years that costs only . . .”  That’s as far as I let them get with the offer.  My answer is always ‘no.’  Does the manufacturer believe the product is that bad that it must offer a warranty beyond the one provided?

Let’s get real, I guess I just wanted to bitch about this.  Nothing’s going to get better for the consumer in this area of business law.

[1]   A mandatory warranty or maintenance agreement is a contract that comes with a product and is included in the total selling price. Under a mandatory warranty, your customer does not have the option to purchase the product without the warranty. Examples include standard manufacturers’ warranties that come with new vehicles, computers, electronic devices, appliances, and auto repair shops’ parts-and-labor warranties on repairs.

 

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We’re Wearing Masks As Much As Possible

Why everyone should consider wearing face masks all the time:

Women only need eye makeup

Men don’t need to shave

It will cover up bad breath

You won’t be able to pick your nose

You might not be recognized by a person with whom you don’t want a conversation

It keeps your face warm in cold weather

People will take you seriously when you warn them “you should not get too close to me.”

Your zits and other blemishes will be hidden

You may look better if a tooth is missing

Cooties and COVID will not fly up your nose

No one will know if you have a cold sore

A mask will prevent anyone from focusing on crusty nose hairs

Chapped lips will be protected from the cold and wind, and will not be exposed to gossips

You can blame masks for having your ears stick out

Someone will not be able to give you an unwanted or surprise kiss

You can show support for your favorite sports team right out front with a mask bearing the team’s logo/emblem

A pasty complexion is masked – literally

Prevents frostbite when skiing or sledding in the winter

Masks are generally free at some establishments if you don’t have one

But the most important reason of all – you will not be subjected to facial recognition programs

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On Banning Text Books

It must be some sort of rule or law that every twenty years books must be banned, come hell or high water.  We are in the twentieth year of the process.

As you must know, each time a book is considered objectionable, questionably offensive, or outright banned, sales of that book will skyrocket into the orbit of the unavailablesphere because of high demand.

Noticing some of the books that are being brought into question made me feel nostalgic.  My freshman year in high school we studied Shakespeare.  Have any of these parents who want certain books banned ever read Hamlet?  “Throughout the play Hamlet refers to his mother as an incestuous, cold hearted, whore, whose actions are only defined by her sexual desires.”

Perhaps these overbearing parents read King Lear instead.  Talk about misogyny.  “while Lear’s misogyny manifests in his belief in the inferiority and weakness of women, Hamlet expresses his misogyny through his Freudian confusion of sexuality and womanhood.”  In any case, we had discussions in class about these plays.  Bear in mind that I attended a Catholic parochial school.  The nun teaching English Literature, Sister Isaia, was about 100 years old.  At least I thought she might be.  And being a nun, she emphasized that “get thee to a nunnery” meant get thee to a whorehouse (experts disagree on this – I am not an expert).

We were supposed to have read “The Merchant of Venice,” but I had a difficult time getting into it.  I must have picked something up in class discussion to get a passing grade on this.  Again, the story is somewhat anti-Christian.  If a Catholic school can teach about this play, how come it wasn’t considered offensive?

During my senior year at Kuemper, my English class was taught by a nun that was much younger than Sister Isaia.  Sister Charla was a young, hip, motivator.  One of her projects was for us to study the poetry of the Beatles – in 1968.  Our reading assignment for this year was “The Good Earth” by Pearl S. Buck.  If you’ve ever read this classic, you might ask yourself what is this book doing in a Catholic school?  The book is rife with slavery, opium use (or abuse), prostitution, adultery, elder abuse, and greed.  One of the daughters was slain after birth because they couldn’t provide for her.  The main character builds a separate wing of his home to provide for his concubine.  He stows his wife in a small room and leaves her to die.

I saw “The Good Earth” at a used book sale and bought it.  I realize I didn’t appreciate it enough when I was supposed to read it.

Should kids be reading these things?  Perhaps the classics mentioned above are not visually pornographic, but if the subject matter was appropriate for young Catholic high schoolers in the 1960s, what crosses the line today?

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Trophy Coach

  Minnesota is a brutal state. The winters bring subzero wind chills that can freeze exposed skin shortly after walking out the front door. Summer heat and humidity makes it difficult to breathe just strolling down the driveway to the mailbox.  But probably the most difficult element to survive is being a Vikings football fan.  The stress and damage to the heart from the elevated blood pressure and heightened anxiety each and every football season may very well have killed more Minnesotans than heart attacks from shoveling snow.

On February 2, 2022, as people across the country were eagerly awaiting whether or not Punxsutawney Phil would see his shadow or not, Vikings fans were wringing their hands wondering, ‘Will Jim Harbaugh be the next head coach?’  Well, Groundhog Day is pretty pointless for Minnesotans. Whether Phil sees his shadow or not, only six more weeks of winter is in fact spring arriving early in Minnesota.

So, unable to fantasize about an early spring, Vikings fans for a brief moment in time envisioned a stadium packed with purple jerseys, clapping their hands together above their heads as they finally Skol their team into a championship win.  After all, Jim Harbaugh has a proven winning record both in the NFL and at the college level. He has the age, ability and years of experience to fulfill that long awaited Super Bowl win.

Later that day, Harbaugh flew back to Michigan without a job offer and then the Vikings organization announced their intent to hire handsome, thirty-six year-old Kevin O’Connell, the current offensive coordinator for the LA Rams as their next virgin head coach.  He will be the second youngest head coach in NFL history.

The Vikings want young people and will gamble to get it.  This is easily seen through their head coaching search and the final candidates for the position:  Raheem Morris (age 45); DeMeco Ryans (age 37); and Patrick Graham (age 43).  Two other candidates that were initially interviewed were Jonathan Gannon (age 39) and Kellen Moore (age 33).  But can a “youth-driven” campaign be masking age discrimination?  Discrimination is difficult to prove, especially age discrimination.

Brian Flores filed a class-action lawsuit against the NFL and three teams, the New York Giants, the Miami Dolphins and the Denver Broncos for racial discrimination. One of the issues he cited were “sham interviews”.  Flores has proof that he received a text from Bill Belichick, the head coach for the New England Patriots, congratulating him on being the new head coach for the New York Giants.  Flores hadn’t interviewed with the team yet.  Apparently Brian Daboll had been offered the job, and Belichick texted “Brian” without paying close attention to the last name.  I can’t sit in judgement.  One retired state senator received a text from me stating, “Love You to Pieces.”   Luckily he had a sense of humor, and so does my husband.  But, I digress.

There was a strong reaction from the parties’ named in the lawsuit.  Well, the NFL thought that they’d solved the issue of race and sex discrimination by adopting the Rooney Rule in 2003, which originally required every team with a head coaching vacancy to interview at least one or more diverse candidates before making a new hire.  “In 2021, the NFL approved changes requiring every team to interview at least two external minority candidates for open head coaching positions and at least one external minority candidate for a coordinator job. Additionally, at least one minority and/or female candidate must be interviewed for senior level positions (e.g., club president and senior executives).”  Did this have the desired result?

Pictures truly are worth a thousand words, as you can see by the new head coaches for 2022.

When discrimination is ingrained in a culture, it can’t be easily removed.  Money can’t buy your way out of it.  Jargon can make you feel like you’re making changes, but changing words doesn’t change attitudes.  The first step is to recognize that we all discriminate because it’s simply part of the human condition.  Breaking down the denial is the only path to a future where we start seeing people for their true worth.

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