Going to Kansas City

Posted on October 30, 2024 by Marty Ryan

Occasionally, I will check local newspapers’ obituaries from around the part of Iowa where I grew up.

Unfortunately, I read an obituary in the Denison, Iowa, newspaper about a friend from the time we both worked at Farmland Foods in Denison. A little over a year ago, he sent me a Friend Request on Facebook. Immediately, I confirmed the “friending” process, or whatever it is called. He let me know that his wife had passed away recently. I knew Vicki from working with her, also. We chatted back and forth on “Messenger” for a time until we sort of lost track of each other.

During the course of watching Kansas City Royals games throughout the summer, I often thought of contacting Tom to see if we were the only two survivors of yearly trips to see the Royals. I never followed through.

Trying to recall who were the nine people in the van taking the trip each summer, I seemed to come up short one or two. Ray Roesner owned the van and drove each time. He was also the only one that didn’t partake of beer on the way down, the way back, or while we were there. John Henkelman sat in the other front seat. The van was a ten-seater, and one of the seats was reserved for beer coolers, so that left seven seats more for baseball fans: Tom Henkelman, John O’Brien, Lowell Schroeder, Roger Fineran, me, and two others that slip my memory now.

Other than me, all the others were at least two-hundred pounds, give or take a pound or twenty, and were close to six-feet tall, give or take an inch. Lowell may have tipped the scales at over 300, but he was an exception to the group, as was I. My weight was closer to one-hundred fifty.

We always had a block of tickets that favored the first-base side of the stadium, not more than five to ten rows up from the field. Great seats! None of us ever caught a foul ball, but we may have had our own beer vendor, who was never more than a shout away.

On one trip, in the middle of an inning, I had to use the restroom, and so did John H. We walked up the steps to the concourse together talking. When we reached the concourse, I headed into the restroom. John said, “where are you going?” “In here!” I shouted back. If you have ever been to Kauffman Stadium in Kansas City you might know that men’s and women’s restrooms look similar from the outside. Let me tell you, they do not look similar from the inside. Yes, I inadvertently walked directly into the women’s restroom.

“You’re in the wrong place!” A woman shouted at me. Duh! I could see that. Women were sitting on the open toilets, screaming! I turned and walked out as fast as I could go. I headed to the men’s room, and probably paid very close attention to the sign out front as I went in. John was in there, and he had to tell close to 50 men about what I did. Embarrassing! But that wasn’t the end of it. When we got back to our seats, John had to tell everyone within hearing distance. I couldn’t wait for the game to end.

Every trip we made to Kansas City to watch the Royals included a stop at a restaurant in St. Joseph on the way home. The restaurant was an all-you-can-eat place with over forty salads in its salad bar, numerous desserts, and all sorts of meats, from fried chicken, roast beef, barbequed ribs, chicken livers and gizzards, ham, and more. The restaurant eventually closed. After seeing those very large men come in and clean their plates (yes! Plates – not plate) as we did, is it any wonder.

One night, upon returning to Denison, Lowell asked if anyone wanted to join him for one more beer in the Play-mor bar. He had already figured that he drank thirty-two beers from the time we left that morning before 8:00 am. Most of us had quit drinking after eating in St. Joe. I saw Lowell walk into the bar alone.

As far as I know, I am the only remaining participant from the yearly trip to Kansas City in Ray’s ten-seat van from the 1970s and 1980s. Perhaps someday I will remember the other two adventurers who traveled to KC with us every year, but for now, I may have learned the lesson to reach out while a friend is alive. It’s better than ruing the lost opportunity after they’re gone.

***

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Guns and Butter

Posted on October 24, 2024 by Marty Ryan

A version of this blog was previously published in the November 2024 issue of the Prairie Progressive

Campaign strategist Jim Carville coined the phrase “[It’s] the economy, stupid” back in 1992 when he worked on Bill Clinton’s presidential campaign. “His phrase was directed at the campaign’s workers and intended as one of three messages for them to focus on.”

Evidently, the intent, if not the quote, has come back to the 2024 campaign. Congressperson Miller-Meeks has appeared in an ad insisting that “we gotta bring these prices down.” Good luck!

Don’t confuse inflation with the economy. Inflation is a part of the economy. The economy is the management of a government’s resources, such as money, prices of merchandise, services, and transportation. Republicans are attempting to blame “the economy” on Democrats.

Economic experts have placed the origin of the country’s current crisis with inflation at the beginning of 2020, when COVID-19 was beginning to affect markets, supplies, labor, services, and other aspects of the economy while President Trump was in office. At least one Facebook meme shows that the price of a 128 fl. oz. bottle of orange juice in January of 2020 was $2.99. In January of 2024, the price has increased to $4.29 for the same bottle.

The Biden Administration had very little to do with the surge in the price of orange juice, coffee, chocolate, gas or many other consumer goods. Orange juice is a commodity that, in its frozen concentrate state, is “traded at the Intercontinental Commodity Exchange (ICE) Futures,” and “ICE is the exclusive global market for RCOJ (frozen concentrate orange juice) futures and options.” Like the stock market, orange juice is not controlled by government involvement.

“Florida’s orange production has dropped by an estimated 92% in 20 years, according to the U.S. Department of Agriculture, attributing the loss to natural disasters, such as freezing and hurricanes, and disease such as citrus greening.” The price of orange juice will likely rise more in the near future since Hurricane Milton crossed the bulk of Florida’s orange tree orchards prior to harvest and created premature dropping of fruit on the ground.

It’s not just orange juice over which the President or Congress has no control. The stock market is closing at record highs, and gasoline prices are under $3 per gallon across much of the nation. If you believe a president, Congress, or any governmental agency can control the price of gasoline, you probably believe Congressperson Marjorie Taylor Greene when she claims the government controls the weather.

As the cost of groceries, insurance, and energy continue to rise, think about the last time the cost of those items fell. If your grocery bill decreased, you most likely have fewer mouths to feed, or you altered your diet. If your insurance rates decreased, you changed your policy for one reason or another. And if your energy costs dropped, it’s almost certain that you moved, installed new windows, or decided to conserve. The cost of all three of those necessities can be manipulated by the weather. Drought, hurricanes, tornadoes, excessive rainfall, freezing weather here and anywhere in the world and disease play a major role in what we pay for essentials.

So why did Carvelle instruct campaign staff to focus on “the economy, stupid?” For the same reason Republicans are using the mantra today; because of the hit you take in the pocketbook. It affects everyone. Most of all, it works in an election year.

Don’t be fooled by talk of higher prices. Republicans are not going to bring down the price of orange juice. Prices are controlled by an economic model of price determination in a market called supply and demand. It’s economics, stupid!

 

 

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Blue-ribbon Caramels

Posted on October 18, 2024 by Marty Ryan

After my mother passed away, my brother-in-law created a flipped-page collection of some of mom’s best/favorite recipes that she often made. I noticed a mistake in the recipe for caramels (Mom’s mistake, not Ron’s). I realized that instead of 325º the recipe should have read between 244ᵒ and 248ᵒ. I had watched mom make the caramels before, so I thought I would make a batch.

The recipe makes about 100 individual caramels, and I didn’t know what to do with all of them. “Why not bring them to the Iowa Capitol?” Lobbyists, legislators, and the media always like something free and sweet.

A fellow lobbyist approached me and said she heard I made the caramels in the lobbyist lounge. “Yes, I did; what is wrong with them.” “Nothing,” she said: “I have tasted the blue-ribbon winner for caramels at the Iowa State Fair and yours are far better.”

Well, the following summer I entered my mom’s caramels in a candy contest at the State Fair. The first of three contests was sponsored by Suzette’s Candies. My entry was set aside on a table with several other entries, while three were brought behind a blue curtain. I asked the lobbyist who encouraged me to enter why this procedure was happening. She told me that the entries behind the curtain were going to be awarded ribbons, while the ones on the table were rejected. She moved close to the table and reached over, peering at the comments on my entry form. “Too soft! Not uniformly cut.” Hell, I didn’t know everything was supposed to be the same size. I can easily fix that.

I learned a little about marketing that week. Land O’ Lakes was having another contest in a few days. I made another batch, got out a ruler (I have no calipers) and measured each one carefully. Then, I gave them the name of “Mom’s Old-Fashioned Too Soft Caramels.” Bingo! I won first place. I received a blue-ribbon, of course, a cookie cutter that I have never used, and a one-year supply of Land O’ Lakes butter. Evidently, a one-year supply of butter is supposed to be one pound per month. They don’t know me. I went through all twelve coupons in less than six months.

It was a few years before I discovered that mom got her recipe out of the Better Homes and Gardens Cookbook (BH&G), almost word-for-word. I do remember, however, that mom didn’t have a candy thermometer; she used the cold-water test. I’ve tried it. That never worked for me, but I can tell when stirring when the time is right, but I do back it up with a thermometer. I have included the recipe below. The ingredients are the same as in BH&G, but I have included a few tips, such as – stir continuously, don’t try to go too fast and turn the heat up, and if you can, use a copper-bottomed pan and wooden spoon.

I still make caramels and send a few to family members at Christmas time. I also have some loyal customers who purchase a batch from me during the winter months. Like every other commodity or food staple, the price of a batch is going up, and so is the postage to mail them.  You can make them yourself with the recipe below. Let me know how they turned out. Or you can order a batch or a half batch from me.

CARAMELS

2 Sticks ‘salted’ (sweet cream) butter + 2 teaspoons

2 ¼ Cups brown sugar

1 Cup white corn syrup

1 Can (14 oz.) Eagle Brand only sweetened condensed milk

1 Teaspoon vanilla

Mise en place – this is a French phrase that means you should get all your ingredients ready before beginning the cooking process.  Also, you will need:

  • Parchment paper
  • A good 3 qt. saucepan – I use a copper-bottomed pot for even distribution of heat.
  • 1 wooden spoon (and use this spoon only for candy making. You don’t want the hint of Stroganoff mixed in with your sweet stuff.)
  • Cooling rack
  • 8x8x2 in. Pyrex cooking dish
  • Candy thermometer
  • Rubber spatula
  1. Grease some parchment paper with 2 teaspoons butter and line the 8x8x2 in. pan with the buttered paper. You may butter the pan and not use parchment paper, but the caramels will be easier to remove from the pan using parchment paper.  Place the pan on a wire cooling rack.
  2. Place the 2 sticks of butter in the saucepan and turn the burner to medium heat (keep the temperature at medium throughout the entire process). After the butter melts, slowly add the brown sugar and white corn syrup.
  3. Slowly add the sweetened condensed milk, stirring the entire time.
  4. Cook to form a firm ball in cold water, or cook until the candy thermometer reads between 244ᵒ and 248ᵒ. It may take some time (probably 15-20 minutes), but be sure to stir constantly.
  5. When the firm ball temperature has been reached (I go all the way to 248ᵒ for a firm version), remove the pan from the stovetop and add the 1 teaspoon of vanilla. Stir until the vanilla has been thoroughly mixed and the caramel is smooth.
  6. Immediately pour the caramel mixture into the parchment paper-lined dish or buttered dish, using the spatula to get every last drop.
  7. Cover it and leave it alone. The following day you may lift the slab of caramel from the pan, along with the paper, and tip it upside-down on a clean cutting board.
  8. Cut the caramels into uniform pieces and wrap in waxed paper.
  9. You may freeze these for up to 6 months. But why would you do that?

***

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Every Thirty-two Years

Posted on September 30, 2024 by Marty Ryan

Traveling back to Des Moines from an event in Coon Rapids in late September, we came upon a deputy sheriff’s car sitting along side the road as we popped over a hill. I wasn’t worried. I had the cruise control on, and it indicated that I was doing 63-mph in a 55-mph zone. Most law enforcement will look the other way when you’re doing less than 10 over.

We traversed for about a mile down a level and straight stretch of Highway 141. I was looking in my rear-view mirror most of the time. I noticed the patrol car leave the shoulder of the road and follow me. Just when I thought I might have escaped the horror of being pulled over for a violation, the patrol car sped up and got right behind me. I knew the red and blue lights were about to be engaged because there was no other traffic on the road. Sure enough, the deputy engaged the light bar.

I slowed down and went another 500 feet or so to turn off the highway and into a business’ parking lot on the edge of Bayard. The deputy pulled in behind and got out of the patrol car.

He introduced himself and told me that after I had passed him, I sped up to 65-mph. I know that wasn’t true and I insisted: “I had the cruise control on.” But that’s all I said. I am aware of people in uniforms with ticket books (now computer printouts) informing speeders to tell it to the judge.

“License, registration, insurance?” He asked.

While I fumbled for my driver’s license, Stephanie was going through the console to find the registration. I handed both to him and he returned to his SUV. Oops! Forgot to give him the insurance information. Stephanie grabbed it and opened the passenger door. “NO!” I cried. “You can’t do that!”

She waved the insurance document to make sure he knew we had it and came back into the car. He had instructed her to do so. I explained that cops do not want you to exit the vehicle unless it’s their command. If we were minorities, she may have been shot. Well, maybe not. We were, after all, in rural Iowa and who could shoot Stephanie? She’s charming!

I was given a warning ticket for speeding, and a fixit ticket to have the front license plate attached to the car. We purchased the vehicle from a little old lady from Arkansas who drove the car to church on Sunday, only. Actually, there was a church bulletin in the car under the seat when we received the car, but the little old lady had it in the garage for years after her husband died. Cars in Arkansas do not need a front plate license plate. Our front license plate has sat on the dash of the passenger side since we purchased the car over three years ago. We did look into having a bracket or some other device on the front bumper to display the plate, but were told by a body shop owner that drilling holes in the fiberglass bumper would either 1) crack the fiberglass upon a slight bump into something – like a high curb or wall; or 2) would crack the material during an Iowa freeze.

It’s time to change Iowa law and remove the requirement that cars must have a front license plate. The only possible use for the front plate is so that law enforcement can use a plate reader to identify stolen cars, catch wanted criminals, and give county deputies a reason to pull over a vehicle with people leaving an event where alcohol was served in order to nab a drunk driver.

We don’t drink. But we may have taken enough of the deputy’s time in the parking lot to allow others leaving the event with a drink or more to drive right on by without grabbing the attention of the deputy.

Upon arriving home, Stephanie asked me if I had ever received a warning ticket before. “Yeah, I think it was in 1968.” Thinking it over, I realized that I had a warning ticket from a Highway Patrol trooper back in 1992. I was traveling to Spencer to conduct some consulting work for Iowa Workforce Development, or whatever it was called by then, when I saw the flashing lights in the rearview mirror. After he pulled me over, the trooper asked me if I knew how fast I was driving. “I don’t know, sixty-five?” “No, no, no,” he said. “You tell me fifty-five and it’s up to me to prove you wrong. I’m just going to give you a warning.”

That was thirty-two years ago. I’m hoping to go another thirty-two years before I get another.

***

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Satan’s in the Details

Posted on September 15, 2024 by Marty Ryan

On July 26 of this year, the Iowa Department of Administrative Services (DAS)[1] adopted a new policy in which anyone requesting a venue for an event in the Capitol or on the Capitol grounds may do so for only one day, and may request only one event per year per organization.

I wouldn’t have noticed this change in policy if I wasn’t told by a good friend of mine that The Satanic Temple [TST] of Iowa had planned a two-day reading “of John Milton’s ‘Paradise Lost’, significant to Satanism, starting September 16, at the Iowa State Capitol” over a two-day period. The TST was forced to move its reading to the Tama, Iowa, Courthouse because of the policy change.

TST was not the only entity irrationally affected by this change in policy. An annual fair on the Capitol grounds has also come to a screaming halt because the resource fair, which was intended to assist homeless veterans, has been conducted over three days in the past. Organizers have said that setting up for the fair alone takes more than a day. The veterans event has provided warm meals, used clothing, a place to camp with security for a few days, and a connection to resources that assist veterans with issues associated with homelessness.

I have no idea what prompted this change in policy, but last December TST erected a display in the Capitol rotunda. A loser[2] from Mississippi flew into Iowa with the intent of destroying the display. The vandal ruined it beyond repair and was subsequently charged with a hate crime. But the hatred of having something other than a Christian display in the Iowa Capitol was more than most Iowans could accept. This event could have been the impetus for the change in policy, but we will never know the truth.

The Iowa Congressional Prayer Caucus is listed on the Capitol Events Calendar as having two events scheduled, one in December[3] and another early in the year[4]. This could be a mistake, or it could be the result of a sneaky clause in the Memorandum of Understanding that representatives of organizations requesting venue for events at Capitol must sign. In the new MOU, effective July 26, section 8 states: “This MOU may be amended in writing by mutual consent of the parties. All amendments to this MOU must be in writing and fully executed by the parties.” That’s one of the largest loopholes I’ve ever seen. If the Iowa Prayer Caucus wants more than one event, all it has to do is request a waiver according to section 8 of the MOU.

I’m too busy with retirement, but I am hopeful that someone reading this will keep track of the Capitol events to ensure that no one organization receives special attention from section 8.

***

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[1] The department was formally called the Department of General Services. I noticed the change not too long after I had to pay a parking ticket and wrote it out to “DOGS.”

[2] Not naming this person, he was a “loser” in an unsuccessful run as a candidate in a Mississippi House of Representative election.

[3] Nativity celebration

When Tue, December 10, 10:30am – 3:30pm

Where North (map)

Description Organization: Iowa Congressional Prayer Caucus

 

[4] Iowa State Capitol Bible Reading Marathon

When Fri, January 10, 2025, 8:00am – 4:30pm

Where Entire Rotunda (map)

Description Sponsor: Iowa Prayer Caucus / Iowa 99 County Bible Reading Marathon
Event Information: https://sites.google.com/view/iowa-worldwidebiblereading/iowa-state-capitol-bible-reading-marathon or https://www.iowaprayerhub.com/

 

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Happy Labor Day!

Posted on September 1, 2024 by Anonymous

“All other holidays are in a more or less degree connected with the conflicts and battles of man’s prowess over man, of strife and discord for greed and power, or glories achieved by one nation over another. Labor Day is devoted to no man, living or dead, to no sect, race, or nation.”

Samuel Gompers

Have a safe, relaxing, and joyful day!

Fawkes-Lee & Ryan

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