{"id":2059,"date":"2022-04-28T21:47:59","date_gmt":"2022-04-29T02:47:59","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/iowappa.com\/?p=2059"},"modified":"2022-04-28T22:42:06","modified_gmt":"2022-04-29T03:42:06","slug":"no-one-wants-your-organs","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/iowappa.com\/?p=2059","title":{"rendered":"No One Wants Your Organs"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>On the anniversary of my mother\u2019s death, I received a brochure in the mail advertising cremation services.\u00a0 Is this the epitome of irony?<\/p>\n

I suppose it is some sort of sign that I need to complete my last will and testament, as well as my living will.\u00a0 I have come within a few words of completing both, but for some reason, I haven\u2019t finished either.\u00a0 Perhaps I possess some fear of completing them only to have each being necessary within weeks \u2013 or days.<\/p>\n

Funeral services and cremation can be expensive.\u00a0 My mother had a solution.\u00a0 She donated her body to science \u2013 the University of Nebraska at Omaha, to be exact.\u00a0 The university paid for virtually everything.\u00a0 I thought of doing the same thing until I read where neither the Des Moines University, nor the University of Iowa will accept a body that is obese.\u00a0 I saw no definition of what obese meant to either university, but I am considered to be on the threshold of overweight\/obesity when determining my body mass index<\/a> [BMI]. I have been trying to eat more so that I might grow taller and have my BMI decrease. So far, it hasn\u2019t been working as planned.<\/p>\n

Like many parishioners of Saint Ann\u2019s Church in Vail, I paid little attention to the Reverend Denis L. Clark\u2019s sermons.\u00a0 However, one of them had a profound impact on me.\u00a0 To paraphrase, he said that the body means nothing.\u00a0 The soul is the only part of us that remains close to God.\u00a0 He said that \u201cwhen I die you should place my body in a gunny sack and throw it off the bridge into the Boyer River.\u201d\u00a0 If you\u2019re not from western Iowa, you probably want to pronounce the river as the [BOY- er].\u00a0 You would be wrong.\u00a0 Boyer is a French word and is pronounced [BOO \u2013 your].\u00a0 In any case, Father Clark is buried in St. Anne\u2019s Cemetery outside of Vail in a genuinely nice location with a huge stone marker that covers the entire grave.<\/p>\n

If a bunch of us parishioners fulfilled Father Clark\u2019s wishes by placing his body in a gunny sack (it would have taken more than one) and throwing it off the Boyer River Bridge, the federal Clean Water Act might have been evoked.<\/p>\n

It wasn\u2019t that long ago when I mentioned to a small group that I am an organ donor.\u00a0 Stephanie said, \u201cHoney, no one wants your organs.\u201d\u00a0 Probably so.\u00a0 But if I can lose some weight, I can donate all of them in a package deal.<\/p>\n

I now have a reason to lose weight \u2013 a desire to donate my body to science.\u00a0 It shouldn\u2019t be so difficult.\u00a0 Think about it.\u00a0 Once death takes over, your body is no longer yours.\u00a0 If there are costs involved, your body will belong to your next of kin.\u00a0 Why burden them with financial agony when there is a simple, altruistic, cost-effective solution to burial?<\/p>\n

However, losing weight at my age is a lost cause (pun intended). When people my age lose weight, they want to know \u201cwhat is wrong with you?\u201d \u201cHave you been ill?\u201d And rumors begin to take root. \u201cHe must have cancer.\u201d \u201cI hear he has a tropical illness.\u201d<\/p>\n

So, if you see me in the near future and I look slimmer, know that I have been successful in my quest to lose weight. If you see me, and I seem to have gained weight, please know that I have failed in my attempt to grow up to six-foot, five inches.<\/p>\n

That cremation brochure was promptly buried in the round file bin.<\/p>\n

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Copyright (c) 2022. Fawkes-Lee & Ryan. All rights reserved.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

On the anniversary of my mother\u2019s death, I received a brochure in the mail advertising cremation services.\u00a0 Is this the epitome of irony? I suppose it is some sort of sign that I need to complete my last will and … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[422,970,974,972,838,852,973,971],"class_list":["post-2059","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-boyer-river","tag-cremation","tag-des-moines-university","tag-federal-clean-water-act","tag-fr-denis-clark","tag-st-anns-church","tag-university-of-iowa","tag-university-of-nebraska-at-omaha"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/iowappa.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2059","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/iowappa.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/iowappa.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/iowappa.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/iowappa.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2059"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/iowappa.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2059\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2064,"href":"https:\/\/iowappa.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2059\/revisions\/2064"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/iowappa.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2059"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/iowappa.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2059"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/iowappa.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2059"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}